Do you feel like there’s a stranger in your house? Your man has suddenly stopped calling, caring and being affectionate like he used to and you feel like he's pushing you away. He prefers to be on his phone, watch television, go to the gym, or hang out with his friends instead of spending time with you.
Why he's creating distance
First things first, understand that it is standard for a man to distance himself from a woman from time to time, even if he’s in love with her. Women think that men pull away for the same reasons that they would pull away, such as being hurt, not trusting a man, if he has done something wrong or if she’s not interested in him anymore. Although he could very well be pulling away because of these reasons the rule is that every man comes close and then goes far out of reach from the woman he's with, while he sorts out his feelings. He has the need to be intimate and vulnerable with the woman he loves and he also has the need to be independent and strong. So he alternates between these two emotions in order to be balanced in a relationship. If he feels that something is threatening is independent/strong emotion he pulls back. Think of it like a bow and arrow, the bow is being pulled back and then releasing an arrow when stretched out before it returns to its original state. The arrow, just like his pressure won’t be able to be released from the relationship unless the bow (Him) is pulled back to create the tension needed to propel it away. He feels he has to do this to maintain his independence as well as keeping the relationship balanced.
Top reasons he pulls away
1: Falling in-love
When his feelings are growing for you and he thinks he's falling in love, he automatically feels vulnerable, so he’ll try to pull back in order to not lose himself and prevent himself from being in a position where he could potentially be hurt.
2: He feels overwhelmed
A lot of men feel overwhelmed by the woman in their life's needs. Whether it be financially, emotionally or physically. When a woman is constantly approaching the man about what she needs more off from him he will push her away further because of the pressure. If a man feels you need him to fill some sort of void in your life or it’s up to him to make you happy he will pull back.
3: He’s stressed
Most women know that when a man is stressed they kind of shut down and don’t communicate. As woman our instinct is to talk about what’s bothering us where as men try to find a solution on their own. If your guy is having a hard time from external sources like his job or he’s having some personal emotional issue, you have to give him the space to work through it on his own.
Biggest mistake women make when their man pulls back
If a man doesn’t have the opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to be close to you again. The important thing to know is how you handle things when he pushes away because your actions can determine whether his bow returns back to its normal state or snaps.
1: Women take it personally
Women panic because they feel that the man is pulling back because there is something wrong with them. “Am I unattractive”, “I should look after him more”, “what have I done wrong?” “Why does he hate me…” The tears, accusations and drama push him further away
2: Women try get close while men try pull away
When a woman runs after a man when he pulls away she prevents him from ever feeling that he needs her and wants her because she’s always there. By trying to initiate intimacy she prevents it. She loses her power because she tries everything to get him back to his original state because she can’t work out “what she did “ to cause him to drift away.
3: She pesters him
Most women try to make a man open up and talk to her about what’s bothering him. The issue with this is that a man then sees the woman an additional source of stress in his life and will pull away even more until he either distances himself from her completely or the relationship continues to be under strain.
How to bring him close again
When he pulls away it is actually healthy for your relationship and if handled correctly by you, it can strengthen your relationship in leaps and bounds. There are simple actions you can do to help you deal with the distance as well as bringing him close to you again.
1:Don’t reward his bad attitude
Instead of whizzing around trying to keep your temperamental man happy, and love you for it, you can use a different tactic. Try ignoring his moods, and waiting to interact with him when he’s bounced back and is open to talking to you maturely. If he isn’t getting a reaction out of you with his drama or if he says hurtful things, but DOES instead gain your attention when he is kind and is in control his emotions, he will have more motivation to keep his moodiness in check.
2:Let him sort it out on his own.
When a man is facing a problem his instinct is to fix it on his own. Hence the fact why men don’t like asking for directions. If you try to offer advice, solutions or criticism without him asking for it he will resent you for it and will push you further away as you are hindering his own ability to find a solution.
3:Give him distance
When you give a man the chance to fully stretch and work things out on his own, he will bounce back on his own because he feels the need to get your positive attention and affection again. Don’t follow him into the next room or be on top of him trying to give him affection. The best thing you can do is let him have his alone time
How to make him bounce back
Every woman constantly faces this in her relationship. In my 1-2-1 coaching I go deeper into what actions you can take to ensure he bounces back quickly and to make sure the bow never snaps. My techniques ensure that when it happens you don’t even need to think about getting him back it will just come naturally.
Find out more on how to become a Girl with Game.
Click here to get your copy of the e-book This Girl's Got Game
Email Leandra directly on: Thisgirlsgotgamecoach@gmail.com for 1-2-1 advice, help, support and coaching.
Facebook: This Girls Got Game