You have had yet another sleepless night, your hair is a mess, you are dressed in anything that’s clean, your eyebrows are unkempt and sexy is the last word you would use to describe yourself. In the kitchen the food is cooking but dishes are piled up in the sink. The living room looks like a bomb of toys, food and clothes exploded in it. All you want is your husband to wrap you in his arms, kiss you passionately and tell you what a good mom you are and how much he loves you. Instead your husband comes home from work rushes to kiss and cuddle the children, says a quick high to you or if you lucky, gives you a quick peck on the lips but then says “ Wow this house is a mess.” You feel undesired, hurt, weak, tired, unappreciated, resentful, ugly and lonely… you don’t know who you are anymore, you don’t know who he is anymore. You feel so disconnected from him and your relationship.
As mothers we can all relate to this in some way or another. The truth is marriage isn’t easy but balancing marriage and motherhood - well now that’s really tricky. Yet some women seem to be happily married and content within their relationships. Is this all for show or do they actually know something you don’t. Do they have a secret understanding about their husbands that you could learn from to relieve tension in your own relationship?
Here are 6 secrets mommies with game know
1: They don’t baby their husbands
Have you ever said." Baby did you remember your wallet?" " Did you remember to pick up your dry cleaning?" “Do you realise your petrol is really low?" I'm sure all of you are nodding, women do this constantly without realising. This is a destructive habit, we treat men like children and we assume they can't take care of themselves. It’s not that he isn’t a capable, it’s just that women are naturally nurturing but this need to look after someone else creates the necessity to be in control of the smallest things. If women are not careful by treating a man like a little boy by nagging, mollycoddling and speaking to a man in a condescending way he is going to act like a little boy. Every little boy wants to break away from his mother and that is when he finds his own woman. Now if you take on the mothering role, he will want to break free from you. This is because he feels incompetent. The more you do things for him he can do for himself he will begin to feel useless and his self-esteem will be low. When a man does not feel good about himself he will become less loving to you and looks elsewhere for validation because your mothering instantly kills the passion.
How wives with Game handle this:
They understand that the more a woman acts like a man’s mother the more he will treat her like his mother, no man wants to sleep with his mother! He will not be able to see you in a sexual or romantic way. Girlfriends and wives are quick to suggest clothes for their men to wear or pick up a pile of clothes that were left on the floor. Wives with Game stop doing things for men that they can do themselves. When he says where's the keys say "I don't know baby" and let him look for them for a while... If he gets upset and asks “ Why don't you help me?" you then know you mother him too much.In order to have a good relationship woman have to stop mothering men for their own benefit. At first it might be difficult purely due to the fact that women have been programmed by society, music and the media that a real woman caters to all her man’s needs. The problem with this theory is that if a woman bends over backwards to make a man happy she sacrifices her own happiness and in turn will ironically make a man loose his respect for her. It doesn’t help that plenty of guys have it so entrenched in their subconscious that they need to find a woman like their mother to look after them even if this is something they don’t actually desire in a partner. These woman who are characteristically nurtures/caregivers/correctors/ i.e’mothers’, find themselves unwittingly in a passionless partnerships after a while because the man isn’t given the opportunity to grow and be independent instead he feels controlled, looked down upon and useless. If a woman treats her man like a competent reliable person, doesn’t answer for him, doesn’t remind him of appointments and puts trust in him to make the right decisions he will see the woman as an equal partner. In the beginning when you stop mothering him, just be sympathetic and loving don't moan at him. You need to be consistent in the beginning. Stick to it, it will be worth it. Whenever you are going to do something think to yourself "Should he have done this himself?" If the answer is yes, leave it.
2: They don’t expect their husbands sympathy
Have you felt so sad and disappointed that your husband didn’t seem to care when you have told him what a hard day you had with the kids, how left out you felt at a play date or that you are really tired and have a backache from cleaning? Try not to take this personally but he doesn’t mean to be uncaring or hurtful, he doesn’t even realise he’s not being sympathetic. The fact is, he is a man and since birth he has been programmed to be brave, not cry and deal with problems on his own without complaining. He just doesn’t get it because he doesn’t expect sympathy when something is bothering him or if he wasn’t invited out to drinks with the boys. He goes into his man cave and deals with stuff on his own, in his own way. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t confide in your husband if something is bothering you, but the reality is you might not get the attention you are looking for which can make you feel even worse.
How wives with Game handle this:
Instead of telling her husband what a hard day she had as soon as he walks in the door, a wife with game asks him how his day was kisses him and tells him how much she missed him. He can see how tired you are and by you telling him how hard it is to be mom is not going to make him understand it any more than he does or appreciate you anymore for it. He thinks by thanking you once for cleaning and cooking it will cover all the other times you do it and in reality you can’t expect him to thank you every single time you do it. It’s like him expecting you to thank him every day when he gets home from work that he is earning a salary and financially providing for his family. Instead vent to your girl friends who are going through the same thing. Their words and understanding will be a lot more helpful than anything your husband can do or say regarding being a wife and mom.
3: They never compare their husbands to other husbands
Sure you might have friends whose husbands either earn better, have better bodies, are more romantic, caring or seem like better dads to their kids but dropping hints about -Tom taking Sue on a surprise trip or how Andy really listens to Linda is not the way to get him to strive to be more like these men. In fact it will have the opposite effect. “ Well go marry someone like Andy then” or he might get nasty and say” Maybe Tom is romantic to hide the fact he’s probably messing around on Sue”, heard something like this before? No one likes to be criticised especially a man. Men are filled with pride and ego and your ability to interfere with his self-esteem and self-worth can dangerously change how he treats you.
How wives with Game handle this:
Wives with game know that you can’t have it all and instead on focusing on what their husbands lack they focus on what their husbands possess in comparison to other husbands. You should always try to make your husband think he’s making you happy because the more he thinks he’s making you happy the harder he will try. A wife can help by expressing her appreciation and confidence in her man. Appreciation satisfies a man’s sense for meaning and purpose. In order to motivate a man to give, he must feel good when he is giving. So if he is romantic make a huge deal out of it, post it on Facebook, brag to your friends whilst he is in ear shot distance, kiss him and tell him how amazing he is and how lucky you are to have him. The more you focus on praising the good behaviour or gestures, the better he will become at providing it.
4 : They got their sexy back
As cliché and uncomfortable it is to hear, the truth is moms are infamous for letting themselves go, especially after having kids. It’s no secret that men are visual creatures and that the quickest way to grab a man’s attention is by being attractive. The problem is once a wife becomes a mom she is likely to become complacent and not worry about her image as much as she did, due to her focus shifting on her children. What men want their wives to realise is that they want you to continue to look as similar as possible to the girl they committed to or they feel cheated. Sure after having children that’s dam hard to do but it’s the little things you used to do that you still can do today. Did you dress nicely and get a new hairstyle often, go to the gym or something simple like having your nails done; he wants to feel proud holding your hand. Your man doesn't know how to tell you this so he keeps it in until one day it comes out as a mean comment. A man is afraid that when his wife lets herself go she will lose her edge and completely change physically and as a result her personality will change which is exactly what happens to overwhelmed moms.
How wives with Game handle this:
A wife with game understands that the decent into letting herself go consists of a bunch of unconscious decisions made over the course of years. Most women see a relationship as a final goal but a wife with game doesn’t become complacent because she understands that she has to always remain a challenge. She knows it’s never to late for progress and she doesn’t try to look like a super model but she is mindful about her appearance. Every day she makes little efforts to do her hair and makeup, eat healthy, work out and look the best she can. She understands that paying attention to her image doesn’t make her superficial but instead acknowledges that it is necessary to keep a man’s interest. Her self-respect is the billboard of her worth, so she uses her confidence as her motivation. She makes the time to love herself and in doing so her children and husband benefit from her positivity.
Find out more on how to become a Girl with Game.
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