- Jun 28, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: May 5, 2022
‘I need space”, “I am not sure I am happy anymore” “I don’t think I am ready for a relationship.” As women, we all hear these words way too often, but what the heck do they REALLY mean.
Although I had my guard up from a young age and was always pretty savvy when it came to men, I have also had my fair share of rejection. I remember the first time I experienced the “I need space term.” I was a teenager, probably around 15, and I was captivated by a boy I went to school with. As hard as I tried, he just didn’t seem to be interested in dating me. He would always send me mixed signals and made me feel unworthy of him. I couldn’t put my finger on it… “why doesn’t he want to go out with me?” He clearly liked me we hang out all the time, we kissed, he got jealous when other boys were around me, and I would always wonder why he wasn’t ready for a relationship with me yet he dated other girls.
I was young, and naive but that boy taught me so much about the behavior of men, myself, and the strategies I needed to unlock my power of influence. His disinterest caused me to question why? His rejection made me reevaluate the way I carried myself. His dismissal inspired change—his unwillingness to give me a chance gave birth to the Leandra, who had Game.
If you have heard words of rejection, it is time to get Game also, and first, you need to understand why you are being told this.
1: He has a pedestal mentality
In society, women have been raised to idealize love and commitment, and this programming tends to make us place men on pedestals. We jump through hoops, overcompensate, sacrifice, and forgive. We try to be the perfect woman to convince a man to commit to us. This is transparent to men, and it gives them leverage to be in control. If he is on a pedestal, he has no option but to look down on you, to view you as less than him. He thinks, “Well, if I weren’t special, she wouldn’t bend over backward for me.” When his ego is inflated, he feels compelled to see how many other women will romanticize him.
2: He wants confident more than he wants sexy
We are bombarded by messages that sexy is what men want, but really that is not the case. Our sexuality is not the currency we barter within our relationships, however, confidence is. A Confident woman is what a man really wants. Your insecurities convey to him that you believe you aren’t good enough for him. Just as you are questioning your worth, he will start questioning it too. When you show a man that you are insecure about losing him, the chance of it happening increases. Your self-doubt gives him the upper hand, and after a while, he starts to agree with your insecurities. He thinks, “Hey, maybe I can get better than her.”
3: He craves a challenge
Men enjoy the mystery. They like to feel that there’s more to a woman than what they already know. When a man receives clear signals of interest from a woman, he gets instant gratification. But the feeling quickly fades because he knows where he stands, and the case is closed. He gets bored and loses interest because he knows that he rules. Men tend to respond best to unpredictable women. Mysterious women test their mental agility. When a woman is predictable, she doesn’t provide a man with the exhilarating task of trying to decipher her level of interest in him.
A Girl with Game is a prize
A Girl with Game is confident
A Girl with Game is a challenge
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Why does he pull away when things get serious?
Because serious means stakes. For a lot of men, emotional escalation triggers self-protection — the closer it gets, the more they fear losing themselves or losing the option of leaving. Pulling away isn't always about you. But how he handles it tells you whether he has the capacity for a real relationship or not.
What should I do when he pulls away?
Less, not more. The instinct is to ask if he's okay, reach out more, soften your tone, ask what you did. All of that confirms his position and lowers yours. Match his energy. If he's giving you 30%, give him 30% back. Don't punish — just don't lean forward into someone who's leaning back.
Should I reach out when he pulls away?
No. Reaching out tells him pulling away gets him exactly what he wants: less pressure, less obligation, and you still there waiting. Let the silence land. If he genuinely had a reason — work, family, real overwhelm — he'll come back and explain. If he doesn't, you've learned what you needed to know.
How long should I wait when he goes cold?
As long as it takes. Setting a deadline turns waiting into anxious counting — which leaks back into your behaviour when he eventually reaches out. Live your life. If he comes back in 4 days, great. If he comes back in 4 weeks, you'll have spent 4 weeks recalibrating instead of dissolving.
Is him needing space a red flag?
Not in itself. Everyone needs space sometimes. The red flag is the *pattern*: needing space without naming why, disappearing without a return time, coming back acting like nothing happened, repeating this cycle. Once is a moment. Three times is a man telling you how this relationship will function.