- May 11, 2022
- 3 min read
Mobile devices tend to make us feel smarter, secure, and more connected. We view the device and the access it brings as an extension of ourselves. We are cyborgs because our phones are glued to our hands. We are so used to them bleeping, ringing, or vibrating to get our attention. This is why, during a breakup, a smartphone can be your worst enemy.
Not only will it tempt you to make contact, but it can feel as though your phone is insulting you with its silence. Your phone can cause your hope to plummet every time you see NO new messages. Without realizing it, you use your phone as an instrument to measure your ex’s interest in you. So, it can get extremely discouraging when an ex doesn’t contact you.
Every man and situation is different, but in my experience, if he has not reached out within 3 - 6months, it is time to face the facts. His interest level is not at the same place that yours is.
I know that can sound extremely discouraging to hear, and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you or that the connection you previously had wasn’t real, but you have to look at this person for who he is right now- today.
As difficult as it is to admit, he doesn’t feel strongly about having a relationship with you. I know it hurts to hear that, but if he was really serious about you, he would have taken proper action by now. No excuses. No exceptions.
Sure, he might care about you, think about you, and miss you in his life. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. He is telling you how he feels by not putting his energy, attention, and focus on you and the relationship.
Holding on to someone that doesn’t deserve your love will only hurt you more in the long run. Any man who considers you or what you have to offer as disposable is not worthy of your love and time. You are a highly valued woman; you do not settle for scraps.
Loss is difficult and painful. It is tinged with lots of other emotions besides anger and rejection. No woman wants to feel powerless or unwanted. Your heart is telling you to wait or reach out to him, but your head is saying it might be time to move on.
You might get angry. Furious at him, mad at yourself, even angry at me for sending you this, but you have to make yourself priority number one.
Sometimes when a relationship ends, we forget that we had a life before our ex. Moving on is a process of rediscovery to get ourselves back to a place of strength when you gradually let go of what might have been and adjust to what is.
Over time, your attitude will change from “I must prove that I am the right woman for him” to “I am good enough, and I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t appreciate me.” Moving on is what sets you free from the feeling of rejection, despair, and powerlessness.
While this destination may not be the oasis you’d envisioned, be proud that you fought for love. It takes tremendous courage to try and make things work, and you have to praise yourself for trying. Know when to gather your dignity and walk away. If he changes his mind, he knows where to find you, but there is no point in putting your life on hold for him.
It’s counter-productive to continue to put your time and energy into hoping to get back what you had. Living in the past will hinder your ability to notice all the new opportunities life has for you today. Utilize this time apart, and if it is meant to be at a later stage, it will be, but you have to move forward.
XXX Leandra
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What does it mean to be a high-value woman?
It's not about looks, money, or being unbothered all the time. High-value means your standards are reflected in your behaviour, not just your words. You don't tolerate what doesn't serve you. You don't perform for attention. You don't shrink to keep someone comfortable. It's a posture, not a personality.
How do I become more feminine in a relationship?
Stop trying to manage the outcome. Masculine energy controls; feminine energy receives. If you're the one initiating, planning, fixing, chasing — you're in masculine mode and his masculine has nowhere to go. Step back. Let him show you what he'll do when you stop doing it for him.
How do I stop chasing him?
Stop reaching for the phone when you feel insecure. Stop double-texting. Stop initiating plans. Stop being the one keeping the connection warm. It will feel unbearable for about 5 days. Then it stops feeling unbearable. Then you realise how much energy you were spending propping up something he wasn't carrying his share of.
How do I make a man pursue me?
You don't make him. You become someone worth pursuing — and then leave space for the pursuit to happen. If you fill every gap, there's nothing for him to close. Most women lose pursuit by trying to make it easier for him. Pursuit requires friction. Don't be hard work. Just stop being the one doing the work.
Should I always wait for him to text first?
Not always. But in early dating, yes. The frequency he chooses to contact you in the first 3 months tells you exactly how much he wants to be in your life. If you're filling the silence, you're getting fake data. Let him show you the real number.