- Aug 16, 2022
- 3 min read
Overthinking, overanalyzing, and overspeculating why your ex still hasn’t reached out can only leave you feeling one way and thats overwhelmed.
When you feel a lack of control, it’s normal to resort back to old destructive habits, in other words contacting your ex in a desperate attempt to receive his attention.
Then comes regret, embarrassment, and anger, making you feel powerless. You knew that this would happen, but you did it anyway.
During my years of coaching, I have noticed an intense habit of self-sabotage when it comes to women dealing with breakups and no contact, but it doesn’t have to be this way.
Whether a woman gets a man back or moves on, the no contact period is the time to reclaim her spot on her own pedestal.
1: Acknowledge the Moment
Ever heard the saying, “This to shall pass?” Well, the urge to reach out to an ex will expire too.
If you feel the need to speak to him, remind yourself that this is merely a side effect from the thoughts that do not serve you. Your emotions are heightened, your blood pressure is raised, and the adrenaline ignites your fight instinct.
The no contact rule is a form of detoxing your ex from your life. All that’s happening is that you are experiencing a moment of craving. Acknowledge that this is normal and wait for the urge to pass because it will.
2: Celebrate how far you Have Come
Recognize how strong you have been and remind yourself constantly that you are on the right track. It might feel like you have zero control or that your ex has the upper hand, but that’s not the case.
Whether it’s been an hour of silence or a month, you are regaining your dignity with every minute that passes. Think about how much anxiety you are giving him right now; tons! Although you might feel fragile and heartbroken, remember HE DOES NOT KNOW THIS because you are not being transparent. You should be proud of yourself!
3: Strategy Always Works
Any victory in life has a blueprint and game plan attached to it.
When it comes to men, they can not be influenced by “tantrums.”
Guilting, emotional blackmail, or love bombing him will have one outcome - making you appear less desirable. In order to make a man regret anything, you need to be crafty, captivating, and charming. You have to follow your own specific operational manual filled with strategy, enchanting words, and power moves.
I have said it before, and I will repeat it if you try to “wing” this breakup, the probability of succeeding in your goal drops dramatically. You must be prepared and ready for any triggers he might incite to break you. Preparation is always the key to confidence in any situation - especially a breakup.
4: Don’t get Spooked
The no-contact period always has an undercurrent of fear attached to it. No one wants to feel sidelined or forgotten. However, being afraid of self-loss and rejection drives us to put ourselves in the firing line by breaking no contact, making disastrous calls, or sending embarrassing texts.
It’s okay to be frightened at first, but don’t forget that you always hold the advantage as a woman.
We have been terrorized into underperformance, with media poison, and indoctrinated from birth to submit. This is not the time to be vulnerable; use this situation as your motivation to tap into your feminine power and show him that you are the prize.
5: Have an Ego
The best Girls with Game in history had an ego. They portrayed an “I don’t give a dam” attitude that men could not resist. They carried themselves in a way that lit a fire in men because they were confident and took charge. They knew that if a particular man didn’t want them, it would be okay because other guys would jump at the opportunity to date them.
Girls with Game are different, self-assured, and never doubt their worth because of the actions of a man. Just like the goddesses and seductresses of the past, they are connected to their power, and men adore them for it.
Don’t be fooled; beneath the macho facade, he’s the one shaking in his boots. The thought of your rejection is unbearable because it would mean he wasn’t THAT special.
Passion needs wake-up calls, and let this be his!
xxx
Leandra
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Does no contact work to get him back?
Sometimes. But getting him back isn't the point of no contact. It works because it removes the emotional supply that lets him stay comfortable in distance. If he comes back, you'll know whether it's because he actually wants you — or because he missed having access. Both pieces of information are useful.
How long should no contact last?
Long enough that you stop being the one keeping the connection alive. For most situations, that's 30 days minimum. Longer if the relationship was serious. Don't track it like a punishment timer. Track it like a recalibration window — for him to feel your absence, and for you to stop performing for someone who walked away.
What if he never reaches out during no contact?
Then he was never going to. No contact didn't fail. It revealed. The women who get devastated by silence during no contact are usually the ones who used it as a tactic to make him chase. It's not a tactic. It's a position you take because his behaviour didn't earn your attention. If he doesn't come back, that's the information.
Should I break no contact if he reaches out first?
Depends what he says. "Hey, you up?" at 11pm is not him reaching out — that's him checking if you're still available. A real reach-out has substance: an apology, an explanation, an actual ask. Respond to substance. Ignore probes.
Does no contact work on avoidant men?
Yes, but differently. Avoidants relax when pressure lifts. They start thinking about you only once they feel safe from having to perform or commit. No contact gives them that safety. Whether they then come back depends on whether they actually wanted you — or just wanted the option of you.