- Jan 19, 2022
- 2 min read
Right now, it is perfectly reasonable to fall to pieces from the shock of a breakup. “While you can’t switch off these feelings, you can better understand why this breakup is hurting you mentally, emotionally, and physically. Not only is your brain causing havoc, but as a woman, your deepest needs to be wanted and loved aren’t being fulfilled.
Here are the top 3 reasons why breakups hurt so much
1: Memory DNA
A long, long time ago, rejection from a mate often meant death for a woman. If a woman was pushed away from her tribe, she had to survive on her own. In ancient times your survival was a result of the groups’ effort. Hunting, gathering, and protection from wild animals were crucial for survival.
Some say this is the reason humans are social creatures. We crave acceptance, interaction, and communication.
Social rejection doesn’t equal a death sentence in this day and age, but we still feel instinctive distress. When we experience exclusion, our bodies and brains have a physical reaction. This response is why surviving a relationship breakup can be one of the most challenging things a woman faces. On an emotional level, it can be damaging. Rejection by a man that you love can be a disturbing experience. A breakup can feel like your heart is being ripped out, and there is an explanation for this.
2: We are Programmed for Commitment
From an early age, women are primed to seek out monogamous romantic relationships.
Most young girls fantasize about finding a prince charming, having a fairy-tale wedding, and living in a big castle.
But why is commitment such a deep-rooted need for women?
The truth is that society and culture pressure women to not only “have it all,” but to have it at a young age. When a man rejects a female, she starts asking herself, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Am I not good enough?” This is because we are made to feel as though there is something wrong with us if we don’t get into a serious relationship or marry.
3: It’s Biological
Being in love raises dopamine in the brain. This means we experience pleasure in our lover’s presence. Almost like they are the drug, and their affection is the ‘high’. The release of oxytocin triggers this intense feeling. This love hormone links individuals together.
When the brain experiences this, it creates a pleasant connection with the specific person, and it automatically adapts to expect it. Who you are is intertwined with who they are. This makes it feel impossible to detach yourself when a breakup happens out of the blue. When all those good moments disappear, you feel lost. This is because you lost something. You missed the source of the ‘high’ your body grew accustomed to experiencing.
Like a recovering drug addict, you must also suppress your unhealthy dependency.
Get an action plan and deal with the breakup like a Girl with Game. xxx Leandra
Want to know how he’s dealing with the breakup? Read more…
When Will he Realize What he Lost and that he Made a Mistake
How is my Ex Boyfriend Feeling During No Contact? Newly Single Men: What Are They Really Up To?
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Does no contact work to get him back?
Sometimes. But getting him back isn't the point of no contact. It works because it removes the emotional supply that lets him stay comfortable in distance. If he comes back, you'll know whether it's because he actually wants you — or because he missed having access. Both pieces of information are useful.
How long should no contact last?
Long enough that you stop being the one keeping the connection alive. For most situations, that's 30 days minimum. Longer if the relationship was serious. Don't track it like a punishment timer. Track it like a recalibration window — for him to feel your absence, and for you to stop performing for someone who walked away.
What if he never reaches out during no contact?
Then he was never going to. No contact didn't fail. It revealed. The women who get devastated by silence during no contact are usually the ones who used it as a tactic to make him chase. It's not a tactic. It's a position you take because his behaviour didn't earn your attention. If he doesn't come back, that's the information.
Should I break no contact if he reaches out first?
Depends what he says. "Hey, you up?" at 11pm is not him reaching out — that's him checking if you're still available. A real reach-out has substance: an apology, an explanation, an actual ask. Respond to substance. Ignore probes.
Does no contact work on avoidant men?
Yes, but differently. Avoidants relax when pressure lifts. They start thinking about you only once they feel safe from having to perform or commit. No contact gives them that safety. Whether they then come back depends on whether they actually wanted you — or just wanted the option of you.