- Jul 29, 2016
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 10, 2021
Being afraid of falling in love is common — no one wants to be hurt, especially if they have already experienced the sting of losing someone they were In love with. Sure, choosing to push potential partners away and never open up in order to feel love again would be a great way to protect yourself from all the possible heartache. The problem is, though, that it’s in our human DNA to love and be loved. It’s a natural instinct that no matter how much we try to suppress, will ultimately prevail.
Understanding fear
Fear is the feeling inside of you when both a desire and a belief contradicts itself. So you really really really want to be in a loving relationship but you strongly believe you will be left for someone else because you are not good enough or once they really get to know you they will leave. Now understand that a belief is just a thought that you have been thinking over and over again until you make yourself believe it’s reality. So when you are feeling fear, all it is, is your belief (caused by constant negative thoughts)
Two fears that prevent love
Fear 1: Fear of Being Rejected
Opening up and letting someone get close to you involves taking risks. To connect with someone and experience intimacy with that person, you need to be vulnerable. Once you commit to someone and love that person, you also create an opportunity for your love to be rejected and the possibility of them leaving you. The threat = heartbreak. This is especially scary if you’ve already been in a relationship that didn’t work out and you desire a loving relationship. This way the fear is your defence mechanism to keep you safe from the pain of being hurt.
Fear 2: Losing your freedom
This fear resonates mostly with men but as women are enjoying their independence this fear amongst women is rising. As much as you might want to be in a loving relationship, part of you doesn’t want to compromise your time, social life and freedom for someone else. When you are single you get to put yourself first and you don’t have any limitations on the decisions you make and what to do with your time. The threat = The loss of independence, freedom and individuality.
How to overcome your fear
You will be told to let go or face your fear head-on but in reality, it’s not that easy and all that will happen is you will get used to it or deal with the fear in comparison to actually removing it. Instead, reach for the core of where the fear started… with a thought. When you find yourself feeling fearful pay attention to what you are thinking. Instead, reach for a thought that makes you feel better and reach for another thought that feels better and again reach for a thought that feels better and it doesn’t seem like anything is happening and then one more time, reach for the thought that makes you feel better. All of a sudden your fear disappears, it’s gone just like that! Those things that you have already experienced can’t hurt you any more unless you allow them to. Don’t live in the memory of your past or the potential heartbreak of the future, be present and be in the now.
Fear is there to let you know that something is worth it, and finding love is the best risk you can take because what is life without love?
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What does it mean to be a high-value woman?
It's not about looks, money, or being unbothered all the time. High-value means your standards are reflected in your behaviour, not just your words. You don't tolerate what doesn't serve you. You don't perform for attention. You don't shrink to keep someone comfortable. It's a posture, not a personality.
How do I become more feminine in a relationship?
Stop trying to manage the outcome. Masculine energy controls; feminine energy receives. If you're the one initiating, planning, fixing, chasing — you're in masculine mode and his masculine has nowhere to go. Step back. Let him show you what he'll do when you stop doing it for him.
How do I stop chasing him?
Stop reaching for the phone when you feel insecure. Stop double-texting. Stop initiating plans. Stop being the one keeping the connection warm. It will feel unbearable for about 5 days. Then it stops feeling unbearable. Then you realise how much energy you were spending propping up something he wasn't carrying his share of.
How do I make a man pursue me?
You don't make him. You become someone worth pursuing — and then leave space for the pursuit to happen. If you fill every gap, there's nothing for him to close. Most women lose pursuit by trying to make it easier for him. Pursuit requires friction. Don't be hard work. Just stop being the one doing the work.
Should I always wait for him to text first?
Not always. But in early dating, yes. The frequency he chooses to contact you in the first 3 months tells you exactly how much he wants to be in your life. If you're filling the silence, you're getting fake data. Let him show you the real number.