- Mar 14, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 10, 2021
Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash
You Get What You Think About
Before you start implementing strategies to entice your ex, you have to get back to basics. That means focussing on your mindset.
There is a good chance you have heard of The Law of Attraction (LOA). But what exactly is it and how can it help you in getting your ex to realize what he’s lost? In simple terms, LOA is described as manifestations created through your thoughts and that you are the creator of your life. That every strong thought you focus on can manifest if it is given enough attention.
But how?
Thoughts = Feelings
Feelings = Behavior
Behavior = Outcome
Your thoughts will determine EVERYTHING!
Your body reacts to every thought you think. Whether you’re experiencing a traumatic situation, remembering one, or creating a mental story of what could happen in the future. Your body doesn’t know the difference. You will experience the same physical, mental, and emotional tension, whether or not it is actually happening at this moment.
If you want him to realize what he has lost, but you are thinking about the rejection from the breakup, your feelings won’t correspond with your desire. This is because you are focussed on what you don’t want instead of focusing on what you do want.
Your behavior reflects your feelings
The feelings associated with breakup thoughts are sadness, anger, disappointment, and fear. When you experience those feelings, your behavior will reflect it. Without consciously knowing it, you will carry yourself in an insecure, desperate, and clingy way. Talking, thinking, and worrying about NOT being with him will direct your focus and energy on the wrong things. You are experiencing desire in sorrow. You have a desire for him to come to his senses and crawl back, but you’re not maintaining the attitude of it. This is when you let the reality of what you are currently going through (the breakup) control your attitude. So, you are not staying up to speed with your desire.
It is during this period where the fix-it or force-it instincts take over. This type of response is not going to get you the results you want. Everything around you, including people and events, responds to the energy and message you are sending out.
How can the Law of Attraction be used as a powerful tool to pull him in again?
Instead of thinking negatively or on a negative outcome, have an attitude of success. By doing so, you will feel better, act better, and send out the right signal to your ex. Focus on how you would feel and behave if he came to his senses and begged for your forgiveness. Take that feeling and embrace it. If you were able to influence him into realizing what he lost, you would feel powerful. You would think. “I AM a woman of high value.” I AM confident in my worth and desirability. I AM a catch, and he realizes this”.
Your actions will then correspond to your wishes. Your “not succeeding” is only because you are releasing a message that is different from the message of succeeding. You cannot feel insecure and also succeed. Victory cannot find you unless you offer a signal of being victorious. Focus less on what you lack and feel more anticipation for what you lack and feel more anticipation for what you will get. When your attitude matches with your desire, success follows.
You can’t control the thoughts or actions of others, but you can influence those around you. You are more able to do this if you are aligned with the highest version of yourself. When he communicates with you again, you must think, feel, and carry yourself with confidence. You must think of yourself as entirely irreplaceable.
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Will my ex come back after no contact?
Often, yes — but only if there was real attachment to begin with. Men come back when the cost of your absence outweighs whatever made them leave. If you were the one carrying the relationship emotionally, your absence makes that cost obvious fast. If he never invested, he won't.
How do I make him miss me?
Stop being available. That's the entire mechanism. Not playing games — actually being unavailable: emotionally, physically, in his thoughts. You become missable when his life feels noticeably worse without you. He cannot miss someone who keeps showing up to remind him she's still there.
Should I reach out first to my ex?
Almost never. The exception is if there was a clean, mutual ending and you've both had real time apart. If you broke up under bad terms, or he was the one who pulled the trigger, reaching out first hands him back the power he chose to take. Let him reach out — or let it end. Don't middle-ground this.
What signs mean my ex will come back?
Practical ones, not emotional ones: he's still in regular contact with mutual friends asking about you, he hasn't moved on visibly, he's reached out with substance (not breadcrumbs), his life has changed in ways that make him reconsider. Emotional signs — dreams, gut feelings, intuition — are usually you projecting hope. Watch behaviour, not omens.
How long does it take for an ex to come back?
If they're going to: usually 1 to 4 months. Sometimes longer for serious relationships. The faster ones tend to be impulse breakups; the slower ones are men who needed to test life without you. After 6 months of zero meaningful contact, it's possible but unlikely. Plan your life as if he isn't coming back. If he does, it's a bonus, not a rescue.