- Jul 8, 2018
- 3 min read
Updated: Apr 12, 2021
I’ve seen it too many times to count for married women and single alike.
Beautiful, independent, strong women get into relationships and think that being a sweet girlfriend or wife is going to = love, commitment, and respect.
Most women have been sublimely told through society and media that men want to date or commit to a “nice” girl. Well, that is true to a certain extent, no one wants to be with a “mean” person, yet why is it that most men are attracted and commit to assertive women and the nice girls tend to always finish last?
Nice girls cannot understand how they can, give their all to a man, supposedly do everything right—yet never get their happy ending. They cannot understand why their “good” behavior doesn’t lead to love, respect, or commitment. After all, we’re all made to believe that is what men want right? Treat a man like a king and in return, he will make you his queen and love you forever…
Not quite!
Firstly “nice” and “mean” are misleading descriptions of how women behave in relationships because when we think of these words they refer to specific kinds of traits.
When we hear “NICE, ” we think: Compassionate, kind, sympathetic, understanding, loving, and pleasant.
When we hear “MEAN, ” we think: Heartless, cruel, selfish, harsh, cold-hearted, unemotional, unkind, and spiteful.
These are not the correct traits that distinguish whether a man respects or commits to a woman or not…
Let’s flip it around and rephrase this terminology “Nice” to“Frail” “Mean” to “Feisty”.
The Frail Woman: Who is she?
I have been her and you have been her.
She is the woman who wears her heart on her sleeve. She has overcompensated and given her all to the man she is with and the relationship she’s in.
She has laughed off disrespect, turned a blind eye to mistreatment, and apologized when it wasn’t her fault. She accepts and learns to deal with a man and other people hurting her feelings. She has cancelled her plans to accommodate him and forgiven him time and time again.
She settles for being treated poorly to get him to love her because that’s what she thought a woman needs to do to be loved. She “thinks” that such good treatment towards him will one day be recognized and appreciated in the form of love and commitment. She is sadly mistaken.
Why Does she Finish Last?
At the beginning of a relationship, a woman will enter as an individual, but along the way she tends to lose herself. During the relationship, she unconsciously becomes a sacrificial love victim.
By being “nice” she transforms into a woman who sacrifices her dignity, integrity, and self-esteem. As a result, of being frail she gets walked all over.
But why?
When we do nice things for men, we invest in them. Those investments of time and energy make us feel that the man we are with is valuable, that we love them, and we are committed to the relationship with them.
Doing favors for others and treating them well, leads us to value and love them. However, the reverse is not true. The receiver of good treatment doesn’t really feel much for the giver.
Whoever is doing the good deeds will fall in love. But, whoever is receiving the investment doesn’t. The frail woman is responsible for all of the “doing”.
She’s waiting for him to decide what he wants, she’s being loving, buying gifts, booking getaways, etc. As a result, she has a lot of love for him. But, he has not invested. He doesn’t give so, he’s not in love or committed.
Being frail is a sign that you’re ready to be taken advantage of. Here’s the thing about most men: they manipulate in order to gain power. If given the chance most men will take advantage of a frail woman, just because they can. Even the sweetest man will get away with whatever he is allowed to get away with.
It’s time to up your game ladies…
xxx
Leandra
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What does it mean to be a high-value woman?
It's not about looks, money, or being unbothered all the time. High-value means your standards are reflected in your behaviour, not just your words. You don't tolerate what doesn't serve you. You don't perform for attention. You don't shrink to keep someone comfortable. It's a posture, not a personality.
How do I become more feminine in a relationship?
Stop trying to manage the outcome. Masculine energy controls; feminine energy receives. If you're the one initiating, planning, fixing, chasing — you're in masculine mode and his masculine has nowhere to go. Step back. Let him show you what he'll do when you stop doing it for him.
How do I stop chasing him?
Stop reaching for the phone when you feel insecure. Stop double-texting. Stop initiating plans. Stop being the one keeping the connection warm. It will feel unbearable for about 5 days. Then it stops feeling unbearable. Then you realise how much energy you were spending propping up something he wasn't carrying his share of.
How do I make a man pursue me?
You don't make him. You become someone worth pursuing — and then leave space for the pursuit to happen. If you fill every gap, there's nothing for him to close. Most women lose pursuit by trying to make it easier for him. Pursuit requires friction. Don't be hard work. Just stop being the one doing the work.
Should I always wait for him to text first?
Not always. But in early dating, yes. The frequency he chooses to contact you in the first 3 months tells you exactly how much he wants to be in your life. If you're filling the silence, you're getting fake data. Let him show you the real number.