Mindset

Why Aren't I Confident?

By Leandra De Andrade
A composed woman working at her laptop — quiet confidence, intentional living
  • Aug 5, 2020
  • 3 min read

So I have a confession to make. A few years ago, if you were to ask me how I perceived myself, confident would not be a word I would use. That’s because I, like so many women, believed confidence meant that you were stylish, flawless, model thin, and could walk effortlessly in 6inch heels while seductively swaying your booty. Ya, that’s not me! I am far from flawless, but I am happy. I know now that I don’t have to be society’s standard of “perfect” to be confident.

Because here is the thing; confidence is a feeling; it’s not an image. It is drawn out from within; Its passageway is from the inside out. This is because your inner being already knows how incredible you are and that you are worthy of everything you want.

So let’s go a bit deeper. You have your inner being ( soul / higher self/spirit), then you have your physical being (body/perceptions/ego); these are the two segments that make up YOU.

The more that the physical ( human ) part of you is connected to the internal (soul) part of you, the more confident you will feel.

Why?

Because the internal part of you it the absolute best version of who you are, she is the origin of YOU. She’s the source of confidence, power, love, joy, goodness, and intelligence.

So when you are feeling a negative emotion like self-doubt, insecurity, or fear, all it really means is that you are not in sync with your inner being. All it means is that it is time to shift the focus back onto you.

So how do you turn inwards? How do you become more aligned with the internal confident you?

Here are three super easy ways to get into alignment.

1: Set a morning intention to connect with your inner being

When you wake up in the morning, you are most connected to your inner self, because when you sleep, you are taking a break from your negative train of thought. Take advantage of the fact that you have woken with a clean slate. Don’t look at your phone or emails or social media; instead, make a decision to take a moment each morning to unite your physical body with your soul. Do this by breathing deeply, meditating, or stretching.

2: Focus on a good feeling thought for 20 seconds

Choose a thought that makes you feel good and focus on it for 20 seconds. The simpler the thought, the easier it will be to hold, and the less negativity will creep in. When you focus on a good feeling thought you create momentum by thinking other good feeling thoughts connected to your original thought. This way, you will hold the good feeling thought for 20 seconds, which will then drive your thinking process towards the next good thought and the next.

Example: A Good feeling thought: I feel comfortable in my bed.

Momentum thoughts: My covers smell so fresh

My pillow is so fluffy and cozy

I am so warm and relaxed

I love the pressure of my duvet on me

My sheets are so soft

There is so much room to stretch

I am so grateful to have such a luxurious bed

Before you know it, you have built the momentum up in order to hold a good feeling thought for 20 seconds. If you do this every single day, you will set a positive and powerful tone for the rest of your day. This will consequently influence the way you think of yourself too because positivity will prevail.

3: Spend time on yourself

To become more confident, you have to spend more time on yourself than you currently do. Most women spend countless hours analyzing the lives, images, and relationships of famous women instead of using that crucial time to focus on working on themselves. When you are actively seeking to improve yourself, you must utilize your time wisely. Improving yourself takes you a step closer to feeling more confident. Once you have achieved a specific goal, gained another skill, or developed a particular area of your life, you naturally feel good about yourself. The more you work on yourself, the more you can boost your confidence.

The best way to unlock confidence is to aim to feel good and engage in actions that will help you achieve that. Observe how life is working FOR you, and the more you notice all the great things that are entering your life, the more worthy you will feel.

All my love

Leandra

xxx

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Common Questions

FAQ.

What does it mean to be a high-value woman?

It's not about looks, money, or being unbothered all the time. High-value means your standards are reflected in your behaviour, not just your words. You don't tolerate what doesn't serve you. You don't perform for attention. You don't shrink to keep someone comfortable. It's a posture, not a personality.

How do I become more feminine in a relationship?

Stop trying to manage the outcome. Masculine energy controls; feminine energy receives. If you're the one initiating, planning, fixing, chasing — you're in masculine mode and his masculine has nowhere to go. Step back. Let him show you what he'll do when you stop doing it for him.

How do I stop chasing him?

Stop reaching for the phone when you feel insecure. Stop double-texting. Stop initiating plans. Stop being the one keeping the connection warm. It will feel unbearable for about 5 days. Then it stops feeling unbearable. Then you realise how much energy you were spending propping up something he wasn't carrying his share of.

How do I make a man pursue me?

You don't make him. You become someone worth pursuing — and then leave space for the pursuit to happen. If you fill every gap, there's nothing for him to close. Most women lose pursuit by trying to make it easier for him. Pursuit requires friction. Don't be hard work. Just stop being the one doing the work.

Should I always wait for him to text first?

Not always. But in early dating, yes. The frequency he chooses to contact you in the first 3 months tells you exactly how much he wants to be in your life. If you're filling the silence, you're getting fake data. Let him show you the real number.