Being Afraid of Love

Being afraid of falling in love is common — no one wants to be hurt, especially if they have already experienced the sting of loosing someone they were In love with. Sure, choosing to push potential partners away and never open up in order to feel love again would be a great way to protect yourself from all the possible heartache. The problem is, though, that it’s in our human DNA to love and be loved. It’s a natural instinct that no matter how much we try to suppress, will ultimately prevail.

Understanding fear

Fear is the feeling inside of you when both a desire and a belief contradicts itself. So you really really really want to be in a loving relationship but you strongly believe you will be left for someone else because you are not good enough or once they really get to know you they will leave. Now understand that a belief is just a thought that you have been thinking over and over again until you make yourself believe it’s reality. So when you are feeling fear, all it is, is your belief (caused by constant negative thoughts)

Two fears that prevent love

Fear 1: Fear of Being Rejected

Opening up and letting someone get close to you involves taking risks. To connect with someone and experience intimacy with that person, you need to be vulnerable. Once you commit to someone and love that person, you also create an opportunity for your love to be rejected and the possibility of them leaving you. The threat = heartbreak. This is especially scary if you’ve already been in a relationship that didn’t work out and you desire a loving relationship. This way the fear is your defence mechanism to keep you safe from the pain of being hurt.

Fear 2: Loosing your freedom

This fear resonates mostly with men but as women are enjoying their independence this fear amongst women is rising. As much as you might want to be in a loving relationship, part of you doesn’t want to compromise your time, social life and freedom for someone else. When you are single you get to put yourself first and you don’t have any limitations on the decisions you make and what to do with your time. The threat = The loss of independence, freedom and individuality.

How to overcome your fear

You will be told to let go or face your fear head on but in reality it’s not that easy and all that will happen is you will get used to it or deal with the fear in comparison to actually removing it. Instead reach for the core of where the fear started… with a thought. When you find yourself feeling fearful pay attention to what you are thinking. Instead reach for a thought that makes you feel better and reach for another thought that feels better and again reach for a thought that feels better and it doesn’t seem like anything is happening and then one more time, reach for the thought that makes you feel better. All of a sudden your fear disappears, it’s gone just like that! Those things that you have already experienced can’t hurt you any more unless you allow them to. Don’t live in the memory of your past or the potential heartbreak of the future, be present and be in the now.

Fear is there to let you know that something is worth it, and finding love is the best risk you can take because what is life without love?

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