Is he Just Using you for Sex?
Sadly, some men are brilliant at the art of sweet talk, fake affection, and false promises of devotion to you, all to get into your pants or get something else out of you. I'm not writing this to make you lose faith in men and be paranoid about the intention of every man you meet, but as women, we can't just sit back and allow ourselves and each other to be manipulated, used, tricked, and lied to.
Unfortunately, the" Player Race" is growing with men learning quickly and from a young age how to manipulate women thanks to television, social media, and movies. Sadly the number of women who allow it or are blind to this is increasing too.
In my book This Girl's Got Game - Get yours here, I talk about how easy it is for a woman to be manipulated by these sweet talkers and how a woman can quickly become a side chick or the other woman because of these calculated "players."
Every woman will be presented with a time in her life when she thinks she might have found Mr. Right, when in fact, she's dealing with Mr. fake. So here are ways to spot a fake.
1: Communication with you always surrounds sex
If you are having a conversation, it will always end up being a conversation about sex. If he says something "sweet" and affectionate shortly after, he will ask for or hint at sexual favors or "rewards" If he doesn't ask about work, your interests, or issues. You don't know much about him; he doesn't want to bond with you on a relationship level.
2: He doesn't spend genuine time with you
If and when you hang out, the only thing he ever wants to do is stay indoors and hook up. If he only ever wants to hook up and never go out with you or do anything romantic and take you on dates, he's using you. Especially if he never wants you to stay the night or doesn't sleepover with you.
Note – Asking you to meet up for drinks at your local bar or at a friend's house at 21:30 doesn't count as a date. When a guy really likes you, he wants to make you feel special with his actions by showing you off proudly and sweeping you off your feet.
3: If he only contacts you at night
If the only time you hear from him is in the evening or on weekends, that should be a big red flag. If a guy is interested in you, you will be on his mind, and he will contact you during the day to find out how you are and what's news. You are not a vampire who only can come out after dark. Note- sexting in the day is still a bad sign!
4: He's not really interested in your family or friends
If he's genuinely interested, he will ask questions about your family and friends and be eager to meet them and to learn about those whom you love. If he knows it's going nowhere, why bother investing time getting to really know you and the details about your personal life?
5: He's calling you pet names
If you are not dating, but he's quick to call you lovable names especially when adding MY in front ( my baby, my honey, my sweetie) and so on, he's trying to soften you up to make you feel special as if you are his.
6: If you have been sleeping together for six months and you haven't met the family
If a guy is genuinely interested in you, he will want you to be apart of his life; therefore, he will want to introduce you to the family and his friends. If he hasn't introduced you to any family members as his girlfriend, forget it he's not into you.
Note- waving at his friends when you leave and they arrive doesn't count!
7: You never spend more than a couple of hours together
If he only spends enough time with you to have sex and there is no pillow talk or sleeping over. Then it's just sex.
8: He only compliments your looks
He loves your boobs but not your kind heart. You always look "hot" but never "beautiful" calling you clumsy or silly is not a compliment.
9: He's "busy" whenever you text him about something personal
If your text about your dog passing away isn't attached to a follow-up text saying 'come make me feel better,' he won't even bother replying or being there for you. Guys who just want you for sex aren't going to spend time playing the boyfriend.
10: He tells you straight up he doesn't see you as girlfriend material.
The guy is actually telling you that he doesn't see you as a long time investment, and you think you can change him? Listen to what he's saying! No matter how good the sex is, once he has gotten whatever he wants from you, he will be gone!
A woman instinctively knows when a man is truly into her but the signs tend to get ignored.
The reality is that no matter how hard it is to admit if you have doubts about his intentions, you are probably right, and he is using you.
Now there might be a few of you reading this saying, but I'm just in it for the sex too. I'm here to tell you, sadly, that's not possible. In women, oxytocin is released during sex, which is a chemical that makes women want to take care of their young and stay close to them. So when women think they can have sex with the same man over some time and walk away as guys do, they have to try to suppress thousands of years of evolution that tells them to cuddle and stay close. Sex creates an invisible hormonal bond that no amount of self-talk can change, and your feelings are inevitably going to be hurt.
You are a woman; therefore, you are powerful, have the self-respect to kick the guy out of your life and make yourself available for that real Mr. Right instead of wasting time with Mr fake. For those ladies who still want to be the booty call… you've been warned.
Get your copy of This Girl's Got Game. This smart girls' guide will teach you how to harness your power as a woman and relate to men on a whole new level while gaining the love and respect you deserve.
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