How to Change a Man's Behavior
Can you change a selfish man for the better? How do you get him to treat you right?
Well, the wonderful thing about a woman is that we are instinctively created to see a man through the eyes of compassion and love. The downside is that women sometimes feel that their love is the magic potion that will save or transform a man.
Do I believe a woman can positively influence a man’s decisions and behavior?
Absolutely!
Do I think a woman of high value can bring the best out of her man?
Sure!
Do I think a woman with high standards will be treated like a queen?
Definitely!
Do I believe a woman can make a man change?
NO!
There is a distinct difference between control and influence. If you try to gain control over your man or the relationship, you will never achieve it. You will be so focused on what you DON’T want him to do or what you DON’T want to feel in the relationship that you won’t have time to focus on what you do want.
“Example: “I don’t want him going out drinking with his friends...how can I stop it?”
Control tactics: Tears, screaming, sulking, threats, ultimatums.
Can you see that none of the controlling behaviors will get you what you truly desire?
Firstly this behavior makes you appear completely out of control, and it prevents what you want from happening. Would you like him to WANT to stay home with you? Instead, if he’s forced to, he will feel resentful, trapped, and angry. He will stay home because he has to, not because he wants to, and at some point, he will rebel because he feels imprisoned.
In other words, even if it appears that your tactics are forcing him to do what you want, you never actually gain control— but, instead, you create more unwanted situations and behaviors. The only person you can control or change is the one reading these words right now, and the only person who can change him is him.
However, that does not mean you do not have the power to influence him and his behavior positively. You can be the motivation for a man’s change, but in most cases to be his inspiration, you have to be totally unattached to being it.
In other words, carry yourself in a way that makes him think that you are not trying to change his behavior or influence him. A Girl with Game uses reinforcement to influence her man. Reinforcement is increasing something pleasant to invoke a behavioral change.
I do believe that you can positively influence the way a man treats you and I call this method the SWAY technique.
1: Give Him - SPACE
It can be an uneasy feeling when your man appears to want to do his own thing sometimes. Depending on the circumstances, there can be some trust issues and insecurities that are still being worked on. As hard as it is, try your best not to react when he makes plans without you.
When you behave as though you are indifferent as to whether you spend time together or not, he will respect you more because you are carrying yourself in a confident way. It will make him panic that perhaps you don't care as much as you used to, and that means he could lose you again. You see, when you are no longer insecure, men sense it, and it gives you power because that means he no longer rules.
Nagging him or asking to tag along won't make him WANT to spend time with you. With short, regularly scheduled time apart, he will miss you when he's away. Plus, when he comes back home and sees you, it will be with fresh eyes.
A Girl with Game doesn't mope around the house until he gets back, though. She gets just as busy, either with a hobby or visiting friends. She is as independent as her man, and that is what makes him want to spend more time with her. Learn to enjoy being alone. Do things for yourself that make you happy. The more independent and confident you are, the more he will wonder why you aren't chasing him. Just have interests and a life outside of the relationship and him. Then you will automatically be more appealing, and suddenly he won't want space.
2: Grant Him - WONDER
The most important thing a woman can do is to hold her cards close to her chest. Men enjoy the mystery. They like to feel that there's more to a woman than what they already know.
My friend Shay was a perfect example of this.
During her relationships, she was always open to talking about her feelings, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. She was transparent about her wants and expectations from the relationship. He knew she viewed him as husband material and was already assuming the position as wifey in his life. She always told her boyfriend where she would be and what time she would be back. He knew what he was eating for dinner, and when they would have sex.
She took communication in relationships to an entirely different level, and you know where it got her? Dumped! Not only did Shay's boyfriend realize he had a 100% hold on her, but there was no excitement and mystery. He knew she viewed him as a "catch," and so he ran.
After she worked with me through coaching, Shay's boyfriend came back and proposed six months later.
How?
When Shay got back together with her boyfriend, she made a conscious decision that this time around, things would be different. She kept him on his toes by stepping out of the wifey role and making him wonder what she felt and wanted. She made her move quietly and stopped communicating about her future plans.
When a woman is too open, she thinks, "I'm not playing games," but that is precisely why she puts herself in a vulnerable position. When a man receives clear signals of interest from a woman, he gets instant gratification. But the feeling quickly fades because he knows where he stands, and the case is closed. But when your behavior and interest in him is uncertain, he can think of little else but you. You become the mystery he must solve, and he will be in constant search for the clues that will get him closer to victory. Subconsciously he will think, "Wow, I can't stop thinking about her and her next move, She must be something really special if she's always on my mind!"
3: Make Him - AFRAID
We have established that talking doesn't work for men. By talking, you are indirectly telling your man you are waiting for him to change. A Girl with Game will pull back and let her silence do the talking for her. She does this in an assertive way, not a sulky or angry way.
Once your man realizes that you are being distant or more unavailable than usual, that will be your chance to communicate in a relaxed and calm manner. At that point, you make it clear that a particular behavior does not match your standards or expectations. It won't happen again because if it does, she won't be around. She does this in such a way that it doesn't come across as a threat or an ultimatum but rather a matter of fact.
Him: "Are you angry about me going out with the boys and coming back home at 4 am."
A Girl with Game: "Angry? No! Bored? Yes. I can tell you this childlike behavior really doesn't do it for me anymore, and if you ever decide to do anything like this ever again, you will be excusing your behavior to someone else, not me."
She then picks up her bag and stays out all day long. No drawn-out conversations, no tears, no anger, no hurt feelings. Instead, a Girl with Game makes her standards and expectations crystal clear. She is a sophisticated woman, so there's nothing "childlike" about her reaction. She has a no-nonsense attitude, and he knows she means what she says. Men usually view a woman's calm and assertive behavior as a sign that she is reaching her breaking point. He realizes he needs to make a change, or he will lose her. He doesn't see her as a pushover anymore. It gets his attention because he realizes he doesn't have a 100% hold on her, so he gains a newfound respect for her.
4:Let Him - YEARN
For men, relationships are a game driven by little victories. In other words, a man feels compelled to chase a woman and will enjoy the small wins he receives throughout the process. As long as those pleasurable rewards are being acquired sporadically, the man will continue playing.
His Victories are receiving your:
● Affection - Hugs, kissing, physical teasing, tickling, massages, and sex
● Attention - Calling, compliments, messaging, prioritizing him in person
● Emotional Reaction - Crying, jealousy, laughing, screaming, sulking
● Submission - Allowing, forgiving, condoning, looking after him
● Unpredictability - Humor, independence, confidence, feistiness
Predictability and routine are what destroy even the strongest and most loving couples. That is why your goal is to alter the routine. Try to focus on switching up your usual behavior and making a conscious decision to behave differently. Changing one thing daily keeps a man on his toes and makes you attractive.
● Greet him at the door with a passionate kiss or let him come up and kiss you
● Initiate sex if you never do or stop initiating if you do
● Have sex in a different place - it doesn’t have to be anywhere extreme
● Offer a massage or ask him to give you a 5 min back rub
● Tickle his head or stop cuddling up to him
● Compliment him or give him constructive criticism
● Don’t answer his call or give him a call if he always calls you
● Stand up for yourself or pull back
● Control your emotions in front of him or open up about a problem if you normally don’t
● Come home later or if you usually come home late be home to greet him
The point is to do the opposite of what you would typically do. It could be anything from the way you dress, the food you cook to the places you go to. It doesn’t matter as long as you focus on doing one thing a day that is out of your regular routine.
So switch it up!
xxx
Leandra
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