Whether it was a shock or the signs were there, you now find yourself single. Regardless of whether you were dumped or were forced to break up with him because of his actions you are heartbroken. You are feeling used, humiliated, angry or possibly just nostalgic. You want him to realize exactly what he has lost and make him regret every decision he made that got you to the place you are now. You want him to view you as the one who got away.The aim is to deal with the reality of what happened and either leave the relationship with your head held high or to get the better version of him back. I know it’s hard and all you want to do is talk to him, be in his arms and ask him to make it better. Whether you want him back or not, either way I know it is hard to follow the advice given by someone else. I have been a relationship and dating coach for sometime now and as I have seen with all my clients, there is a part of a person that will want to rebel against the advice I am about to offer you, just to see if your own strategies will work. Please understand this, that no matter who the girl or who the man is, there is only a select number of strategies that will work. Other strategies might have short term success but it won’t make him realize what he has lost.
In my book "This Girls Got an Ex " I give detailed strategies on how to get an ex to realize what he's lost. However, I am going to give you a glimpse into some of the basic strategies I recommend to getting your power back and making him want you again.
Step 1) Detox
The very first thing you need is at least 1 or 2 days to cry and feel sorry for yourself in secret. Eat ice cream get drunk anything you need to do.It’s important to get this out of your system as soon and as quick as possible. Try not let this last longer than a couple of days, as much as you are heartbroken, you don’t want to waste your time thinking about him without having a plan.
Step 2) No contact
The first thing to understand is that men don’t respond to words, they respond to no contact. This is probably the most difficult step but is the most effective. No contact is a discipline, so deal with it hour by hour and day by day. Under no circumstances phone him or text him. I realize this is hard but with every text and call you are pushing him further away.He ended the relationship or forced you to end it and you need to let him be single for a while. It’s very possible that he’ll realize he doesn’t like his life without you in it but he needs time to figure that out. If you’re constantly contacting him, you’re not giving him a chance to miss you.
Don’t show him that you’re waiting for him to come back. This also includes statuses of Facebook about how much you miss him… Don’t do it… Kind of disappear for a while.Let him feel how life is without you.You see, he expects you to show emotion by getting angry or sad. By cutting him off, you show him that you love and respect yourself, put yourself first, and will remove yourself from anyone or any situation that makes you feel inferior. “Okay so you don’t want me well fine I will find someone who will”. You are saying this with your actions not your words. Stay strong I guarantee you will see the rewards.
Step 3) Ignore him – Stop Responding to His Calls & Texts
So finally, you see your phone ringing or a text pops up and it’s his name on your call ID all you want to do is pick up the call. DON’T DO IT! This is all about tough love at this stage. If he calls let the call go straight to voicemail, if he texts you ignore it. I know you are thinking WHAT! But all I want is for him to call. This is a very important strategy you MUST follow. It is the key to it all.He is going out of his mind because he thought you would have broken by now and ran back to him, begging for him back. But instead you haven’t contacted him. He has to feel as though he has lost you. If you pick up his call or respond to his text straight away he will assume the following things;
1: She has been waiting for my call – I am still her world
2: I can get her back at the click of a finger
3: No matter what I do or how I will treat her she will always be waiting to accept me back with open arms.
When a woman has an attitude of “I will love you no matter what, She kills the switch on his desire for her.” During this stage, he will try anything to get you to break your silence and respond, but you need to ignore him at least for a week or so until he is driving himself mad thinking that this is totally out of your character and his interest in you will pique. You see you not so predictable anymore.This is when he’s feeling the consequences of his actions. This is the stage that gives you all the power, so play your cards right. He will begin reminiscing about all the good times, and yes, he will now start to rethink his poor decisions. He will start to miss the woman who would do anything for him and was always there. He wants you in his life as a friend he misses your voice.
If he wants to get back together, he needs to worker harder than a call or text. It’s very possible he misses you and wants to talk to you. Too bad. He lost that luxury when he broke up with you. If he wants you in his life, it’s as his girlfriend. Nothing else. Let his first call go to voicemail and ignore his text. Make him wonder where the loyal girl who he didn’t appreciate went… You are strong you can do it! Even if he phones twice within the hour don’t answer… you are busy.For guaranteed tips, tricks or strategies to make him beg for you back when he does contact you ( Which he will) contact Leandra at www.thisgirlsgotgamecoach.com
Step 4) Don’t Do Him Any Favors
He has no right to expect anything from you. He probably relied on you for things.Maybe you would go to his parents house and help his mom or help him with work assignments, I know you miss his dog, his cat and his parents, but say no. He doesn’t want a girlfriend, so don’t be one. Let him see how much he actually needed you and what his life is like being single. Show him it might not be all roses.
Step 5) Don’t Give Him His Stuff Back Unless He Asks For It
So what if he left his favorite shirt or xbox game at your house.It’s his stuff and if he wants it, he can call you and set up a time to come and get it. Don’t call him telling him you have it and want to give it back because he’ll see it as an excuse to see him. At this point he doesn’t trust your motives.If having his stuff upsets you, put it into a box and hide it.
Step 6) Don’t Talk To His Friends or family as hard as it might be
Don’t go out with his friends or casually send them text messages trying to get information about him. He will find out and it will make you look desperate and crazy.
Step 7) Don’t Get Him Gifts (even for his birthday)
Do not buy him a single gift or card.The only circumstances in which you are allowed to send him anything is if someone dies and only a card. Getting him presents is a needy attempt to win back his affections and he will pick up on that.
Step 8 ) Don’t Act Like A Psycho
Getting dumped sucks but don’t go all crazy and start stalking him. You need to leave him alone. Don’t validate his decision for dumping you.
Step 9) Don’t Have Sex With Him
Do not for any reason have sex with him.He will feel like he has a sex buddy but doesn’t have to deal with any of the crappy relationship stuff. If you aren’t together he doesn’t get any! Period!If he wants back in, he needs to fix things and recommit. Respect yourself, you are not his toy to play with when and if he chooses.
Step 10) Look your hottest
Any improvement over what u looked like when you were dating is a great way to make him second guess himself. Go shopping, exercise, do your nails change your hair anything that makes you feel and look good!
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