How can my ex not miss me?
Breakups are hard and what makes them even more challenging is when an ex doesn't bother reaching out or even checking in to see if you are okay. It would be unfair to generalize and say all men who have caused a breakup deal with things the same way. But here's the truth, through my years of experience as a relationship coach specializing in breakups...they all behave alike. They may present themselves somewhat differently, but at the core, all men who initiated a breakup are selfish.
Here's what you have to remind yourself. Following a breakup, your ex's attachment to you is at its weakest. That's why the split happened in the first place. If the gravitational pull between the both of you were strong at the time, he would've done whatever it took to prevent the breakup from happening. He broke up with you or caused you to dump him because he was already at the acceptance stage. He has had a head start with coming to terms with the relationship ending. This means he was emotionally distancing himself from you for a while before the separation even happened.
Your ex isn't ready to miss you right now becasue the reality is his attraction for you is too low at this point. No amount of begging, crying, or declarations of your affection is likely to persuade him to come back. It is unlikely that you will have any real influence with your ex unless you get a strategy in place.
I create tailored Game Plan Strategies to help my client's exes realize what they lost. Contact me at Leandra@thisgirlsgotgame.biz, and let's make one for you.
You CAN positively influence the way he views you.
Here are the basics for now...
Step 1: He has to miss you
An ex will always want to know what you are up to. It doesn't matter if he ended things. It's human nature for men to be curious about how a woman has moved on after the breakup. This is precisely why keeping a low profile is so important. An ex who can see where you are (and what you're doing) and receiving texts from you won't feel your absence from his life. He will know you're not going anywhere, seeing anyone new, or doing anything that would prevent him from getting you back if he changed his mind
Being in contact with your ex dilutes the sting of his bad behavior. He can't miss your absence if you are still in his life. On top of that, you may still crave the emotional intimacy that you two shared, which will make you act emotionally and push him even further away. Keeping your ex around after a breakup can make it nearly impossible for him to realize what he's lost. Missing you motivates him to work for your attention again, which therefore makes him value you again.
Step 2: He has to feel rejected
When your ex broke up with you or caused you to end the relationship, his actions made you feel confused, hurt, and rejected. He was in control of the entire situation. He was in the lead, and you were just following behind him, trying to figure it all out. However, if you go silent, he doesn't know what you are thinking or your emotional state. So, you transfer those feelings of frustration and insecurity he has made you feel back onto him.
Cutting him off and speaking through your actions is a blow to his ego. He hurt you because he thought he had control over you, but the tables are now turned. He should feel that what he does, or does not do, has NO relevance to your life anymore.
Step 3: He has to respect you
If you make it easy for him by reaching out, sleeping with him, or forgiving him too quickly, it's game over. You are displaying the side of you that's the least attractive, and if he doesn't respect you, he can't love you. Men don't respect women who overcompensate to get their affection, loyalty, or approval. When a woman submits and crawls back, hoping for another chance, she gives away her power and her leverage. Vulnerability is what he expects of you, and predictability to him means you are unappealing and weak.
Men are competitive; they love a challenge. I talk in-depth about a man's competitive behavior in my book This Girl's Got Game. It is so important to understand why men behave the way they do and how this information can give you the upper hand.
Step 4: He has to crave you
The secret to making a man crave you is taking away his control over your emotional state. When you pull away from him, you also move away from the emotional hold he has over you.
When there is an increase in your self-respect and a decrease in your lack of interest in him, it puts you back in control. When you suggest, by your actions, that you are indifferent about whether he comes back or not, it functions as a trigger. If your ex doesn't know what you are thinking or what your next move will be, he will respect you and treat you with more consideration. In the past, he may have easily read you and found you to be over-emotional. This is a new you; you are a Girl with Game, a woman who controls her emotions even if she is heartbroken. When you behave like a "Girl with Game" You become, unpredictable, irresistible, and irreplaceable.
It is time to gain the upper hand and get a Game plan in place... contact me for 1:1 coaching at Leandra@thisgirlsgotgame.biz
If you want to see if your ex will realize what he's lost, take our quiz.