You now find yourself single and confused. It is perfectly normal to fall to pieces from the shock of a breakup. When a man rejects a female, she naturally starts asking herself, “What’s wrong with me?” and “Am I not good enough?”
Regardless of whether you were dumped or were forced to break up with him because of his actions you are still heartbroken. You are feeling used, humiliated, angry or possibly just nostalgic about how good things used to be. Everyone is telling you there are plenty of fish in the sea and all you can think is “That’s great but I don’t want a fish, I want him”! You miss him and you want him to realize exactly what he has lost and make him regret every decision he made that got you to the place you are at now. You want him to view you as the girl of his dreams.
Conventional wisdom says that getting back together with an ex is something that should be approached with caution, and rightly so as it isn’t always easy repairing a damaged relationship. I do believe that some relationships should end but I also believe that some relationships are worth another chance. When relationships are worth a second or even third chance it can be necessary to fight for it BUT in an intelligent way.
Getting back with your ex should be a thoroughly thought out decision and not one that is made lightly.
Studies tend to show that couples who break up tend to stay that way in the future. But is this a rule or is it just because women haven’t learned how to take their power back and understanding the skills needed to make a man regret his actions and fall in love again?
The secret is that you CAN reverse a break-up, irrespective of the situation as long as you are one step ahead of your ex.
In my video ( Click Here) I give detailed strategies on how to be his dream girl and provide much more information on how to handle a breakup.
In my book This Girl's Got An ex This Girls Got Game - ( Get your copy here ) I also give detailed strategies on how to make him realize what he has lost and ways to handle the breakup strategically.
Each of these strategies in my book turns you into a dream girl and effectively makes him run back to you quicker then he can say ex-girlfriend.
However, I am going to let you in on a few of my unique strategies to turn this situation around and get your power back. I will help you regain his interest and affection again.
You will learn how to handle yourself with the dignity that will make you completely irresistible to him.
So, put that tub of ice cream away, get comfy and get ready to make him realize what he’s lost. He’s going to be sorry he lost you because you are an incredible woman!
Step 1: Recognize your emotions
Dealing with the feelings that come after a break up is the hardest part because you are trying to figure out exactly what you feel. It is perfectly normal to love him and hate him at the same time, to feel betrayed by him but want him to hold you in his arms and make it better, to make him suffer but also be the one to make him happy.
Use 1 - 2 days to cry and feel sorry for yourself in secret. It's important to get this out of your system as soon and as quick as possible. It is important to feel these emotions, acknowledge them and then move past them by using the strategies below. The emotions that come with a breakup manifest themselves in our bodies and the effects can be very intense. If not worked through these strong feelings can do a real number on your self-esteem and your success at getting your ex back.
Try not let this last longer than a couple of days, as much as you are heartbroken, you don't want to waste your time thinking about him without having a plan.
Step 2: Keep your emotions in check
Here's the secret: Men are masters at interpreting a woman’s weakness and using it to their advantage.
While you can’t switch off your feelings, you can control how you respond to them by keeping your emotions in check.
Maybe you are throwing yourself at his feet by crying, begging or offering him sex. Or perhaps you are trying to guilt him into coming back by bringing up every time he hurt you or that you feel suicidal without him in your life. Please understand that none of these tactics will work, EVER! So, don’t do them. In fact, it will have the opposite effect by increasing his ego more than it already is and making you appear weak, needy, desperate and clingy which is unattractive in his eyes.
When you try to beg, manipulate or guilt him into coming back you are losing his interest and your power, and you are losing it fast. This is exactly what he expects of you and predictability to him is boring. If you act in an emotional way your behavior is showing him that he won’t have to lift a finger to get you back. You are doing all the chasing by giving him attention, even in the form of an angry text. He knows he can live the single life whilst still having you on standby because your emotions send him the message that he is still in control.
Men are competitive they love a challenge. I talk in-depth about a man’s competitive behavior in my book This Girl’s Got Game because this is the key to understanding why men behave the way they do.
Acknowledge how strong you have been so far and know this. Your new, composed attitude will come as a shock to your ex and shock is good because it means unpredictability. In the past, he may have easily read you and found you to be overemotional, but this is a new you, you are a Girl with Game, a woman who is in control of her emotions even if she is heartbroken.
Step 3: Don't Have Sex With Him
Do not for any reason have sex with him. He will feel like he has a sex buddy but doesn't have to deal with any of the crappy relationship stuff. If you aren't together he doesn't get any! Period! If he wants back in, he needs to fix things and recommit.
Men can easily sleep with a woman with no emotions involved so Ex sex only leads to more confusion and more heartbreak for the woman involved. This will put him more off you and you will turn from girlfriend to booty call! Not only does it make things cloudy it can make things extremely awkward.
Remember sex didn’t prevent him from breaking up or hurting you and it’s not going to get him back. Not only will it complicate everything it will most definitely make you feel used and disrespected. You don’t want to become a desperate woman throwing yourself on a man that rejected you. Just because he wants to sleep with you doesn’t automatically mean he wants to get back together with you.
This is the time to remind him that you are a woman who respects herself, who doesn’t compromise her mind, body, and soul for someone who isn’t committed to offering the same. Nobody is worth giving up your dignity for. Respect yourself, you are not his toy to play with when and if he chooses.
Step 4: Have a plan
If you tackle the breakup irrationally you will sabotage the opportunity to get him back. Having a plan when it comes to getting your ex back, raises your chances considerably. You’re going to fail if you try to “wing” it because right now you aren’t thinking logically, you are letting your heart take control.
Having a plan in place helps you maintain your emotional control in order to maintain your classy, cool, calm and collected persona. Work with an affordable coach like me to work on your self-development and help you create a quick and effective tailored strategy for your situation. Set goals for yourself and make plans to accomplish them.
Men love women who constantly strive to better themselves. Not only think about what you want but also who do you have to become in order to attract what you want into your life. If you handle this breakup intelligently and harness your power as a Girl with Game, he will ask himself why he ever let you go.
Create a plan today contact Leandra
Step 5: Become a Silent Siren
It is key for you to understand that men don’t respond to words, they respond to no contact. This is probably the most difficult step but is the most effective. No contact is a discipline, and mobile phones don't make it easy. Totally understandable, but this is where you need to really use all the self-control you have in you. Under no circumstances phone him or text him. I realize this is hard but with every text and call you are pushing him further away.
He ended the relationship or forced you to end it and you need to let him be single for a while. It's very possible that he'll realize he doesn't like his life without you in it but he needs time to figure that out. If you're constantly contacting him, you're not giving him a chance to miss you. Don't show him that you're waiting for him to come back. This also includes statuses on Facebook about how much you miss him... Don't do it... Kind of disappear for a while. Let him feel how life is without you.
You see, he expects you to show emotion by getting angry or sad. By cutting him off, you show him that you love and respect yourself, put yourself first, and will remove yourself from anyone or any situation that makes you feel inferior. "Okay so you don’t want me well fine I will find someone who will". You are saying this with your actions, not your words. Stay strong I guarantee you will see the rewards.
Step 6: Live with passion
It might seem bizarre to view this painful period as an opportunity for personal growth – a time to put in place important positive changes in your life – but this is the time to really take a hold of your life. What better time to start a new hobby, reconnect with friends apply for a new job role or sign up for a gym. Having the courage to do things that are going to challenge you and make you feel good and excited about life are at the very core of personal growth and independence. This is the perfect time to re-establish and enjoy the life you had before him. There is a big world out there waiting for you to experience and enjoy it.
When you carry on with your life as if there were no disruptions, it turns your ex’s interest back on and grabs his attention because you have your own life and interests aside from him. “Getting a life” will make you appear less needy of him which immediately changes how he views you. Men want to be with a woman who is happy with herself, positive and enjoyable to be with. Although it is doubtful that you will feel like being the life of the party during a break-up, you still need to show him that your life is functioning just fine without him. Do what makes you happy so you are living your life joyfully.
Do something every day that makes you feel excited about life. Regardless of what you are going through, try to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. Make the choice to relish your life in small as well as big ways. Live a life that has meaning and value to you.
You see when a woman has her own interests and can rise from rejection quickly she automatically remains a challenge for the man. Even though your goal might be to get him back, it should be considered a by-product. The best thing you can do is focus on self-improvement it will also make you happier with yourself and your life.
You should never have to try to convince him that you should be together. He needs to be able to view you as his prize to win.
Step 7: Ignore him - Stop Responding to His Calls & Texts
So finally, you see your phone ringing or a text pops up and it’s his name on your caller ID all you want to do is pick up the call. DON’T DO IT! This is all about tough love at this stage. If he calls let the call go straight to voicemail, if he texts you ignore it. I know you are thinking WHAT! But all I want is for him to call. This is a very important strategy you MUST follow. It is the key to it all.
He is going out of his mind because he thought you would have broken by now and ran back to him, begging for him back. But instead, you haven’t contacted him. He has to feel as though he has lost you. If you pick up his call or respond to his text straight away he will assume the following things;
1: She has been waiting for my call – I am still her world
2: I can get her back at the click of a finger
3: No matter what I do or how I will treat her she will always be waiting to accept me back with open arms.
When a woman has an attitude of “I will love you no matter what", She kills the switch on his desire for her. During this stage, he will try anything to get you to break your silence and respond, but you need to ignore him at least for a week or so until he is driving himself mad thinking that this is totally out of your character and his interest in you will pique. You see you are not so predictable anymore.
This is when he's feeling the consequences of his actions. This is the stage that gives you all the power, so play your cards right. He will begin reminiscing about all the good times, and yes, he will now start to rethink his poor decisions. He will start to miss the woman who would do anything for him and was always there. He wants you in his life as a friend he misses your voice.
If he wants to get back together, he needs to work harder than a call or text. It’s very possible he misses you and wants to talk to you. Too bad. He lost that luxury when he broke up with you. If he wants you in his life, it’s as his girlfriend. Nothing else. Let his first call go to voicemail and ignore his text. Make him wonder where the loyal girl who he didn’t appreciate went… You are strong you can do it! Even if he phones twice within the hour don’t answer… you are busy.
For effective strategies to make him beg for you back when he does contact you (Which he will) contact Leandra
Step 8: Create a Power Shift
If you think back to the beginning of your relationship when you first started dating, you will notice that you treated your ex like a friend. You were fun, relaxed, self-sufficient and in control of your emotions. Your world didn’t revolve around him and that is exactly what gave you the power that pulled him in. In order to pique his interest again you need to treat him like a friend again. Make him feel that you care about him but are no longer romantically invested in him. You are no longer together so he doesn’t have the reassurance that you are there for him anymore and that is precisely what will make him want to pursue you again.
Business no pleasure - After a few days of him chasing answer his call, or respond to his text but do so in a cool, calm and collected manner. Treat him like a friend by saying his name “Hi Tom, how are you?” think business like, show no emotion. He will try anything to get a reaction out of you, tears, anger or frustration. Remember you are in control you are the one with the power now.
Do not talk about the relationship. - There is no benefit in mentioning the breakup, your relationship or the future during a phone call or text. Keep the conversation light and short no longer than a few minutes. If he wants to discuss the relationship, then he should ask to meet up with you. You are a high valued woman, you are a Girl with Game and he will have to work a lot harder than a phone call to get you back.
Make sure you end the call first - It is important that you be the one to end the conversation first. The person who ends the conversation wins.
“Tom, do you think we could talk another time, I have plans to meet a friend tonight and I need to paint my nails.”
He thinks: “Who is this friend and her nails are more important than talking to me?” End the call by saying his name again “Thanks Tom have a good night”. You hang the phone up! He is left feeling confused, angry, frustrated and suddenly wanting you, wanting you BAD!
Using a trivial reason like painting your nails portrays that you are not as into him as he expected. Suddenly you become interesting again and a challenge he must conquer. You have just turned the tables on him. Now he has been feeling exactly what you have been feeling.
Other examples you can use.
- I am receiving another call
- I am in the middle of something
- I am at drinks with a friend
- I am on my way to gym
- I need to cook dinner
- May favourite TV show is starting
Wait - Patience probably is not your strong point at the moment because all you want to make him realize what he has lost but it is important to wait for him to contact you again. He will because he won’t be able to hold out as long as he did before, the entire conversation will be playing on his mind CONSTANTLY!
When he calls again answer this time around but say “sorry I’m in the shower can I call you back in 10 min?” Again, you are snubbing him in order to engage in unimportant things and you are in the shower which automatically reminds him of what he is missing. After 10 min, you don’t call back, after 20 min you don’t call back. If he doesn’t call you within the next couple of hours, then give him a call back. Again, keep it friend like all business no emotion.
Download your FREE get my ex-back guide HERE for more tips to make him realize what he's lost.
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